i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i drank out of a bidet.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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