btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think I died a long time ago.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
