dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
