the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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