i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
