TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
