it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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