Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
