i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Too much gin, very little bucket
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
