Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
