Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
