Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
