Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
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She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
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We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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