So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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