Fuck appropriateness.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
