I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Can I color on your dick again?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
