Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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