Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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