I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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