Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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