I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
