i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
