I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
