I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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