She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
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