whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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