he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
