normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
as a side note pls kill me
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