hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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