A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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