At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
bring money and cleavage
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
