So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
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Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
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Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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