Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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