we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
