I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
