Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
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Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
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I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize