Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I faked an abortion last night.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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