I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
