And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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