Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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