if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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