He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
