apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
