I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
