Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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