I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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