The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
