what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
