I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
high people should be assigned attendants
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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