i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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