Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
