I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
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Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
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Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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