Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
