I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
