Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she told me i tasted like america
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
