Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
