I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
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I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
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Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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