I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
