when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize