Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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