I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
how do you play pong handcuffed?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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