After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The Olympian is in my bed
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
