so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
