They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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