Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
