Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
