Even water is tasting like jack daniels
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
