just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
