have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
