There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
