What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she looked like the before picture.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
