he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
