Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
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I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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