I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
