Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
