It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
