did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
